I’m in the process of getting ready to leave for Tucson. My girlfriend and I are spending the winter there. It is a 2000-mile journey, which takes us four days of driving. I get to leave the cold, damp, and snow-bound winter of Southeast Michigan for the warm, sun-filled winter of the Sonoran Desert. 

Our drive has morphed into a ritual. Like making a holy pilgrimage, we have specific stops along the way. Hotels we like to stay at. Restaurants and truck stops that demand our attention. I look forward to dinner in Santa Rosa, MN, at a place called the Pow Wow Restaurant and Lizard Lounge. 

With all this anticipation, I feel like I have just fallen into a hole of funk. I am feeling the weight and messiness of being human.

What a paradox to find myself in. I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a rich and full life. I recently received news about being in remission from my cancer. Being retired, I am not compelled to earn a living and can pursue whatever my attention is drawn to. I have a deep, loving relationship with my daughter and grandchildren. I have a community of friends who love and support me. My list of gratitude is long. But here I am, feeling sad, alone, and fundamentally disconnected from my life. What’s up with that?

I have been feeling into my response to my encounter with cancer. I am left with how to get my life back after going through a challenging treatment. Feeling physically okay is one thing. What about emotionally? What about the feeling of loss? What about being a survivor? In the background of my life, there seems to be a whisper of wondering about the possible return of cancer.

According to Google, there are 7.888 billion people on this planet. There are between 200 billion and two trillion galaxies, with 10  planets in the visible universe. Those numbers are too large for my mind to comprehend. I find that the magnitude of creation and consciousness is ineffable. Yet I am left feeling that the totality of creation is focused equally upon each of us. We are all individually the center of the universe. 

I often write about the presence of Grace and how that illuminates the gift of my life. I have shared about my spiritual practice of living in alignment with my unique expression. 

When I put my feeling of funk in perspective of my place in the never-ending process of creation, I can feel the contrast of being human, having a very human experience in conjunction with being a divine being. The universe’s expression of creation runs directly through me, through all of us. When I fall into that current, I am humbled by its immensity and feel the awe of its movement through the unique expression of my life.

I resonate with a quote from the English writer Samuel Johson.

 “People need to be reminded more than they need to be instructed.” 

My experience of my life, my challenges, my learning, and my work read like the sacred scriptures of my life. What if our lives were indeed a gift? Something that you can’t fail. I think that is what is called Grace.

Amidst the chaos and uncertainty of life, I remain open to Grace and the gift of my life.

If you have any questions, please email me at garymerel@gmail.com or call 732-208-2836. Also, please visit my website at leanintoyourlife.net

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Hotels we like to stay at. Restaurants and truck stops that demand our attention. I look forward to dinner in Santa Rosa, MN, at a place called the Pow Wow Restaurant and Lizard Lounge. 

 

Our drive has morphed into a ritual. Like making a holy pilgrimage, we have specific stops along the way. Hotels we like to stay at. Restaurants and truck stops that demand our attention. I look forward to dinner in Santa Rosa, MN, at a place called the Pow Wow Restaurant and Lizard Lounge.